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REASONS TO... SAY YOU'RE Need to apologise to someone? Do it! It'll free you from guilt and help you grow as a person, says coaching psychologist Jessica Chivers IT WILL HELP TO MAKE YOU IT HELPS YOU IMPROVE AS A FEEL BETTER Apologising is good I for you as an individual, whether or not it's accepted. That's because it's about you conducting yourself according to your standards and values - and that feels good. You make an apology to align with what feels right for you. PERSON If your words or actions have hurt someone, saying sorry is a way to reflect on that behaviour and change it. If you get similar kinds of negative feedback time and again, it may be time to acknowledge that you keep hearing the same complaint and address how you treat people. IT REINFORCES RELATIONSHIPS An apology can strengthen a Z bond because you're saying the other person is important to you and you want to maintain or even improve the relationship. Revealing something about yourself - for context, not as an excuse - can help, too. You might tell a neighbour, 'Sorry I yelled when your builder parked across my drive l'd just had a row with my husband. TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FREES YOU Saying sorry releases you from guilt and shame, both of which are emotions that eat away at you. After you've apologised, you can move on. However, if you've really hurt someone, you need to show the other person that you've really thought about the impact your behaviour had, so be specific about what you are apologising for. HOW TO APOLOGISE a lot about what happened on Thursday.' or 'Thursday's playing on my mind'. Focus on the insights you've had. It shows you care. SORT YOUR THOUGHTS Get the incident down on paper, to help you make sense of how you were thinking, what happened, how NO PRESSURE If apologising via voicemail, email or text, end your message with: 'If you want to talk, I'm here. I'm not expecting anything, I just wanted you to hear this..' you reacted, and what to do next. OPEN UP A good way to start a conversation is: I've been thinking For more info about Jessica, visit jessicachivers.com 62 | ASDA MAGAZINE

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